If someone followed you around all day, recording the things you say to yourself, what would they hear?

One of the best places to gauge our self-talk is when we’re playing a sport.

People often say you can learn a lot about a person in an hour of play.

I think they’re right.

Not because of the score, but the self-commentary.

Over the course of playing golf with some friends recently, I heard it all.

“I’m so bad.”

“I’m the worst.”

“I just can’t make a shot.”

And the thing is, none of those comments were directed at another person.

They were directed inward.

That was just what they said aloud.

The golf ball missed the target, but somehow the person holding the club felt they were the problem.

It made me think.

Whether we realize it or not, we all have a personal assistant living in our minds. And that assistant is always taking notes.

It doesn’t always distinguish between what we want and what we don’t want.

It simply listens.

So when we repeatedly tell ourselves:

” I’m not athletic.”

“I’m always stressed.”

“I’m terrible at this.”

“I never follow through.”

“I just don’t have willpower.”

Those phrases become part of our identity.

And identity drives behaviour.

That’s one reason change can feel so hard.

We aren’t just trying to build new habits. We’re trying to rewrite stories we’ve rehearsed for years.

What can you do?

Pay attention to the way you speak to yourself. The dialogue in your head isn’t harmless background noise.

It shapes how you show up, what you believe is possible, and whether you keep going when things get hard.

Try this two-step technique:

Step 1: Put the old story in the past tense.

Instead of saying: “I’m always stressed.”

Try: “I used to live in a constant state of stress.”

Instead of: “I’m terrible at taking care of myself.”

Try: “I used to struggle with prioritizing my health.”

This creates distance between who you were and who you’re becoming.

Step 2: Add possibility.

Try saying: “I’m willing to learn how to create more calm in my life.”

Or: “I’m in the process of learning how to take better care of myself.”

Change doesn’t require perfection. It just needs practice.

And perhaps a little more kindness from the voice that knows you best. So, notice what your inner personal assistant is writing down.

Then ask yourself: Is this a story I want more of?

If not, it might be as good a time as any to change the dialogue.

Because the conversation you have with yourself becomes the life you create.

Play on,

Your coach and friend,

Jan xo

Helping women redesign the story they tell themselves about aging, health, and what’s possible. Because the life you want doesn’t happen by default, it happens by design.